rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
