i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
