he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
