How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
