Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
