Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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