He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
