She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
