I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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