Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
