You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
