Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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