sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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