Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
