I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize