im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
