Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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