if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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