Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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