I wanna bring you to show and tell
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize