Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
