Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
His nipple licking is glorious
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