I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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