Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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