that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
