Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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