I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
