areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
