Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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