I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
