We won't sleep together?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
