I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
