i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
