bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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