Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
