Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize