i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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