bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
