Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
