I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
