Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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