he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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