I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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