I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
