I'm really into asian looking animals
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
