I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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