hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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