My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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