Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
as a side note pls kill me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
