im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
