I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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