just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
