Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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