And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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