He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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