afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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