Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
