I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
