This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize