How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
