I smell stomach acid.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
