I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize