so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
