Acid is not a monday night drug
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
