# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
